It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
