One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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