Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
