Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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