i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
