So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
