i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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