i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
