You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
