I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
