If that was your dad, he is hot
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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