even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
