i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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