Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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