Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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