her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize