"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
