Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
