My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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