it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
