sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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