I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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