you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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