She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize