You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
