We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize