Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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