i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
