You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize