you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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