Im at strip club and am horny
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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