If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
