if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
