He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
two words: eviction party
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize