My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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