matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
