Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
