How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
