Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
