I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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