Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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