so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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