Just cropdusted the office
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
