I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
