He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
