Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
