gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
