please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
