i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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