if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize