I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize