he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
