If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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