I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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