24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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