You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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