He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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