okay pat passed out under dana's car
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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