remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
