people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize