Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
