I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I came so hard my ears popped.
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