did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
