Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you had me at cake vodka
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
