Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We need to get me chipped asap
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
