forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
