Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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