I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
