The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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