its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
