When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
