I met the friendliest cop last night
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
