Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
