she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
ok first of all what the fuck
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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