Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
