So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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