I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
