I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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