If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
