He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
