I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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