I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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