honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
