ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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