Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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