next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
