Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
