so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I love having hate sex.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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