My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
