New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
