found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
