I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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