Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
