I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
