i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
