He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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