your thong is hanging out like whoa
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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