This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I met the friendliest cop last night
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize