i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
