i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
