why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize