eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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