Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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