That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
