She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
