Whatcha textin bout Willis?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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