Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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