turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it glows. i had to have it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
