I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
