it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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