Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
